I need silence

09 June 2015 6:17 PM
1
I haven't been able to just sit down and meditate in a while. My days have just been too busy. The past couple of days have been rough, and I think I need to call my therapist again. I've been trying to work on fixing things myself, using journals and meditations, but it's not working. After graduation, my parents seemed to be getting better. They were treating me(somewhat) like I was 18 and adult rather than 13 and still in middle school, and letting me go out places. But after Thursday, it stopped. Very abruptly too. I don't know why, but lately my mother has been getting worse and controlling. She's always projected her need to control onto me, but I never let her change me the way she wanted to. I know I'm her favorite, but not in the way you would expect, I'm only her favorite because my sister is my dad's favorite and she thinks it's some kind of game to be played between them with me and my sister as the pawns. I'm only her favorite because I don't outwardly hate her like my sister. She feels a comfort in that, even though if she had remotely any ability to see/tell what people feel towards her, she'd be able to tell that I don't like her either. I think why she's been getting worse lately is because she's realising that I'm an adult now and that I am my own person and not just a shadow of her anymore. The other day, she actually made me stop what I was doing(which was eating) and fold towels that could have been folded at any other time(just because my dad would have said something about it and she didn't want to deal with his complaining). And then later, when I was about to eat again, she tried to make me clean something again! I'm sitting her like, "Are you kidding me? I'm eating... Again." It's like okay I didn't know that all these other things were more important than my eating habits(which are shaky at best). I'm hoping that my therapist can help with somethings at home when I go see her next, otherwise I don't know what I'm going to do.