90 minute meditation journal

11 October 2018 8:20 PM
Sitting with sangha. I'm not usually there on a Thursday night but today it important to be there but I didn't know why. I turned out to have some sitting to do about a potentially difficult event tomorrow. I had to sit with the possibility (probability?) of falling apart, of being too emotional to talk, or having (shock horror!) to let people be nice and comforting to me. I find that sooooo hard. Sitting with that, including some tears, felt important and somehow made it ok whether I fall apart or not. However it goes will be fine, what wouldn't be fine would be telling myself that it needs to be a certain way, that I need to be a certain way. 

Having let that work through, the second half of the sit was very different and included me being very honest with my teacher in an interview part way. What is difficult is often what is needed.