45 minute meditation journal

13 June 2018 7:46 AM
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Strange sitting again. At the moment sitting seems to be preceded or followed by a sort of dancing which seems to have something to do with integration and really highlighting any areas of blockage which seem to be the physical manifestation of old stuck emotions or redundant thought patterns.  A koan has come back into my shikantaza or 'just sitting' practice and each time it accompanied by a feeling of a smile spreading throughout my body. Today there was awareness of a few small areas where the smile didn't spread as easily. Allowed each other to be fully felt with curiosity and then spontaneously explored using a somatic psychology technique I'd heard about in a podcast .The technique is a slightly more structured version of an approach that has happened spontaneously for me in the past while sitting and is about befriending old patterns and assumptions and allowing them change. Today there was 3 areas explored, none entirely new but it felt like doing so today at a deeper level. They are all so different from my usual aooriapp to life nowadays but I can see how strongly they influenced my behaviour in the past. One was about anxiety and that if I didon keep an eye out for everything that might possibly go wrong I'll be unprepared. One was that I can't possibly do anything big, exciting or public because I'm small and pathetic. The other was that I can't possibly ever be happy because I don't know how, don't have it in me.

All of these are such old stories, none true and all stuck at different points in my past. Good to see them and let them go. More dancing afterwards and a very happy Sarah.

Comments

😊 sounds lovely
rosie
Rosie
11 days ago
It ended up that way. I'm lucky that my tough sitting generally does
Bluemoon
Kokai (Sarah)
11 days ago
I am very glad about that. Maybe you could tell me about the somatic psychology technique sometime.  I did not have the headspace to watch any more of the podcasts, though the ones I did watch I found helpful.
rosie
Rosie
11 days ago
I'd be happy to. My memory for details is poor though. There wasn't time to rewatch any of them as I'd have liked to before the free access ended  
Bluemoon
Kokai (Sarah)
11 days ago