45 minute meditation journal

10 January 2018 9:17 AM
Morning sit. There has been a tension around my right shoulder blade while sitting for the last couple of days. I didn't know what it was and was just allowing space around it. It felt gentle, not particularly troubling, more like an old out-of-date overtone. Today I could feel what it was - an old idea back from when I was tiny that life was safe if there was someone bigger than me to take care of me. I found myself giving myself a bit of a talking to, how no one person can do that even if they have the best intentions, that it wasn't possible as a kid and the expecting it to be the case then lead to disillusionment and withdrawal and that it isn't possible or needed now. That it is more than enough to rest in and trust life. That within that I can take any action I need, which can include trusting others and letting them help me but not expected anyone else to make everything ok like magic (actually not needed anyway because life feels fine). It felt like easy like life supporting life, life being life, no need to resist or seek anything external.