30 minute meditation journal

08 January 2018 7:18 AM
morning sit. 
Very painful, sitting with this guilt and self hatred that I did not realise I had, and with the memory of Lily, of her being born and dying, cold and exposed, and remembering how constricted my heart felt because of the anguish of losing her, and how much I wished she could feel my love and not this overwhelming pain and fear. I gave her all the love I had in me but it was so little compared to taking her life away.