30 minute meditation journal

05 December 2017 6:40 AM
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Yesterday after sitting with impatience I was hit with a few strong memories, and stayed with them for a while, looked at photos, and cried. I realise how much I turned away from painful memories and how unhealthy that is. I am making room for them now and changing how I look back on things.  I did not sit last night, I was too tired, but woke up at 3 instead, looking compassionately at a time I closed my heart and made choices out of pain to avoid getting heart broken again, rather than give myself more time to heal.  
I sat with this again this morning. And with another memory that I have pushed away a lot, the time when as a teenager my father and I watched a documentary about the nazi regime called De Nuremberg à Nuremberg, after which I lay in bed screaming silently.  I had a very strong feeling that I shared responsibility for every evil that has ever been done, just by being human and I could not take it.  

Comments

In one sense (the absolute perspective) everyone could be said to be part of and so share responsible for everything. From that perspective though we are all also responsible for all the joy, kindness and love in the world. It can't only work one way.

Or course, at the same time we live our human lives in our own skin and have a limit scope to influence change (or at least we have to live recognising our limitations). There is usually enough that we can beat ourselves up for in our own little corner of space and time. I hope you can bring some belated ease to the teenage side of you who felt the responsibility so acutely.


Bluemoon
Kokai (Sarah)
9 days ago
If I search myself, this is exactly how I still feel... Probably why I keep running away from it! 
rosie
Rosie
9 days ago
Can you take your share of responsibility / credit for the joy? We don't get to pick and choose! 
Bluemoon
Kokai (Sarah)
9 days ago
I know! not saying it makes any sense! but like usual I think my problem is running away. If I stop doing that I think it will fall into place.
rosie
Rosie
9 days ago