25 minute meditation journal

02 December 2017 7:00 PM
2
5
Evening sit? actually it was pretty much all bowing.
I missed this morning because I had a rather late night and a very busy morning. I am fighting a cold, which I have to overcome so I can keep coming to these awesome evening swims in rather chilly conditions like the one from last night! :)
Because I had this cold and was exhausted I decided to do things differently and do my meditation in the shower. yes, big environmental guilt, that I actually had such a long shower!! will not happen again, probably! Because it is open I could have my buddha statue and oil burner, and insight timer bells, but obviously not my mat,  I did slow bows, and this time they were not uncomfortable, they felt peaceful and powerful. Water is something that opens me up in a big way, always. So I did not stop at 27 but kept going to 54, which is when things shifted. I was filled with sadness and compassion for the times I had hurt myself with cutting. My skin in all these places started tingling and I could feel it remembering everything. Usually if I remember those times I quickly turn away from the memory; it is full of pain and fear, and I am even afraid of myself. This time I felt full of peace and understanding in a way that completely bypassed my comprehension. After I did not sit but it is all still there in my body, the tingling, the memory and compassion, I think will be with as I rest.

Comments

That peace, understanding and flowing of self-compassion is beautiful Rosie. You are being very brave in turning towards the things that scare you. May the peace sustain you and nourish you on your journey. x
Bluemoon
Kokai (Sarah)
12 days ago
Thanks Sarah! have been staying with this all evening in a loose sort of way. Cried a little. Feel kind of astounded that this is so gentle considering how bad it was and that it is even happening at all! Also have been listening to that song by Pink, Perfect, thought I’d tell you! :) x 
rosie
Rosie
12 days ago
That occurred to me after reading about your 'sit'. I listened to it on repeat until it did Sian's head in after I'd been sitting with memories of my own version of self harming. It was just what I needed at the time. x
Bluemoon
Kokai (Sarah)
12 days ago
:) also on repeat. but with my headphones 🎧 on! x
rosie
Rosie
12 days ago
A wise move!
Bluemoon
Kokai (Sarah)
12 days ago