30 minute meditation journal

13 November 2017 9:30 PM
Evening sit.
Fifty four full bows, instead of twenty seven, to see what it felt like. Laying down layers and layers of myself. I was surprised at the last one by a flow of emotions. Lots of emotions. First a sense of wonder, brought about by several very open talks I have had today, and the way this vulnerability opened doors and deepened friendships. Then I was surprised by anger, completely unrelated, from something that happened a few days ago, and the big feeling of discomfort this anger brought. I do not do anger, I totally avoid it and if someone treats me badly, I have great difficulty in standing up for myself. I sat with the discomfort about the anger, and found fear underneath it. Then sat with that and found another layer of hurt, and helplessness. And underneath a child who cannot be angry with her caretakers because without them she cannot survive.