From my meditation yesterday i discovered that i was holding back alot of stress and concern for the future. One of my goals for meditation is to learn self control when these feelings come up and remember to be present and let those thought pass by in that moment. Noting, or the action of noticing the happening or existence of a feeling or thought and not letting it sink and settle to cause an over reaction. I learned about catastrophic thinking "catastrophizing". I struggle with this from the racing thought i used to get when i become so frustrated during the traumatic breakup and couldn't control my thoughts. I did not act on managing my stress in a healthy way and continued to allow myself to sink deeper into a destructive spiral. The beginning steps of realizing what I had done or understanding the situation was the hardest and still is a struggle. The situation was that I knew the relationship was unhealthy, I was not the person my parents raised me to be and did not treat the other individual involved or myself with respect and I allowed it get out of control. Seeing that now helps my because I know what is right and wrong, the anxiety lingers from flashbacks, however, I can allow those thoughts to pass through my mind and be present from my meditation practice. It is has been a journey and will be a life long journey to practice mindfulness and continue to grow myself. My meditation pack , change, has been one of my favorites so far. I learned what noting is, i learned to pay attention to standing up and sitting down as a practice to be present with myself and what i am doing. by doing so i am aware of what is next, where i am going next, what i am doing next and not doing it "mindless". I am looking forward to the rest of what i will discover and uncover with the next five days. I am thankful for many things but I have found alot of gratitude in the healthy steps to recovering. If there was a way that i could reach out and help others, i would. That should become a goal. Continue to practice, trust the process and allow each day to be a learning opportunity so that I can help others. I am thankful for another day.