15 minute meditation journal

31 August 2016 8:00 PM
2
6
I want to start again. When I don't meditate I feel guilt now. This session was great, I felt pleasure and was happier after I stood up.

Comments

Glad to have you back. :)

Could it be regret rather than guilt? Easier to work with and less likely to end up being counter productive
Bluemoon
Kokai (Sarah)
about 1 year ago
Thank you Bluemoon, it's good to be back.

I think it's guilt because I feel it during the time I'm not meditating but could be, while regret sounds like something I would feel when I go to sleep at night and didn't do it. I have trouble with the idea of doing something every day for the rest of my life, I like the idea of meditating later today, for sure, but when I think of doing it everyday that's when I get discouraged. 

I could see meditation being a problem for some people like myself; I didn't know about meditation a couple of years ago, now that I know about it and its benefits, if I don't do it it weights on me and affects everything else in my life; I can start to feel like a failure or lacking discipline.

I also truly believe that meditation makes me happier, just like the buddha taught, so if I don't do it I must be a masochist right? I think I'll never again feel good unless I'm meditating regularly and that scares me a lot.
equanimityName
equanimity Name
about 1 year ago
To me guilt has more of an air or recrimination, of beating myself up, sort of a "what sort of person are you that you can't even do x, y, z" which could take me around in endless circles. Regret to me feels more like "ok, perhaps I should have done that differently, what can I learn from this?"

As for everyday for a lifetime, the time may come when that feels good not scary but for now if thinking 'forever' is taking you away from practice, think shorter term such as "I'm choosing to sit today". Tomorrow and forever can take care of themselves when they arrive.

And although I'm an advocate of regular practice, missing a day isn't such a big deal, your world won't fall apart, the impact of practice is cumulative. It might help to remind yourselves that it isn't as black and white as "I sit so I'm good" vs "I didn't sit so I'm useless".

Another thought - one of my teachers talks of whatever we do repeatedly as being our  practice and that it becomes a reinforcing habit. That could be meditating but it could also be complaining about our life, resenting something or even telling yourself that you are a failure for not meditating. 

Any of that help?
Bluemoon
Kokai (Sarah)
about 1 year ago
Yes, what your teacher says makes sense, if I keep feeling guilty it can become a habit. I'll keep medotating one day at a time and the future will take care of itself. 

Today, I sit; tomorrow I won't feel guilt nor regret.
equanimityName
equanimity Name
about 1 year ago
:)

Let us know how you get on. 

Bluemoon
Kokai (Sarah)
about 1 year ago
But, our own old patterns run deep. If you do find yourself feeling guilty try not to add another layer of self criticism on top of that. If you can, just recognise it and let it be. It will go in time if you don't add fuel to the fire.
Bluemoon
Kokai (Sarah)
about 1 year ago