What with a cold sitting has been pretty annoying, but that doesn't stop me. I was pretty wired last night and knew I should sit before bed but really didn't want the dukkha of it so I did chess puzzles instead. Then it tool me ages to get to sleep. I should have just sat. I had an noteworthy s ...
tombh
over 4 years ago
Am a little under the weather. But was very productive yesterday on little sleep. Completed the plumbing for a project I've been working on for nearly 2 years. Also sat 3 times! Sat this morning too. The theme for recent sits has been the odd combination of very little depth but good concentrat ...
tombh
over 4 years ago
Catching up last 3 days in one post. Been sitting every morning, run of the mill stuff. Couple of nights ago I sat in the evening when I really didn't want to. I was very tired after work, lying on the sofa and feeling depressed. Then I thought, "but am I really tired?" So I forced my ...
tombh
over 4 years ago
Frequently irrational resentment towards people. Which leads to being kind of withdrawn: mumbling, not wanting to be the object of attention, wary of showing enthusiasm... sometimes it's obvious that there is this basic fear of other human beings. Some anxiety around being embarrassed? Strong pr ...
danbartlett
over 4 years ago 1
More mindfulness in work. Some basic patterns triggering emotional upheaval becoming more obvious. "That's ok, but I want to get around to doing it better soon. Someone else on Earth is definitely doing this better. How will I ever make it as good as that... sigh. It'll never be that good& ...
danbartlett
over 4 years ago 1
Prominent mental pattern I'm noticing a lot lately in work: Urgh, why isn't this working.Feel overwhelmed, I CAN'T DO THIS. WHY AM I BEING MADE TO DO THIS. (I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS)Really need to do something thoughDo nothing for a while... reddit/facebookDecide next logical step.Instead of faci ...
danbartlett
over 4 years ago 1
Giving up the past and future; surrendering to the present. Noticing how everything is here, now. Noticing parts of experience that feel like they are not here, now - fleeting intuitions of something 'other' than just this, a feeling of looking down on this, being outside of this, manipulating ...
danbartlett
over 4 years ago 1
10-points practice. Didn't get much sleep last night, so I was a bit tired throughout the practice.
john
over 4 years ago
Very calm despite not sleeping that well. Noticing the active dynamic body. Tuning into that chaotic out of controlness, and then realising that everything is already out of control, regardless of what I do or practice. This brought on some strong concentration which I felt was a good base to ...
danbartlett
over 4 years ago
Not enough sleep. Didn't want to get up. Uninterested at first but soon got into as I woke up and felt calmer by the end.
tombh
over 4 years ago
Quite distracted at first. After settling in more I noticed lots of aversion - to tension in the body, to unresolved situations in my life, to things I have to do, to thoughts of the future. Resolved to simply accept things as they are, no questions asked. No particular result, except deep, deep ...
danbartlett
over 4 years ago
The panic/anxiety has reduced significantly over the weekend, which is a massive relief. I still don't feel quite back to normal, but things feel oh so much better, despite having a cold and snotty face. Sat with vulnerability and tenderness. Really grateful for family and my wonderful girlfrie ...
danbartlett
over 4 years ago 1
A quiet and productive Sunday with 3 solid sits. First was normal morning sit. Second was in afternoon and was asleep the whole time, maybe an hour. Still sat upright though, just going in and out of dream states, really hard work to be honest. Last sit in the evening; mix if anxiety, frustratio ...
tombh
over 4 years ago 1
There’s been some very slow and subtle changes happening during the past 6 weeks, both in my inner life and in my mundane everyday experience. I wanted to describe these things in greater detail and form a bit of a narrative. 
 
 The first 3 weeks of October were one of the most stressf ...
john
John added a diary.
over 4 years ago 1
Realised that I've been feeling a bit wired the last few days. My meditation shouldn't be a fool-proof cure for that, but more a tool for noticing that. Mostly scattered thoughts and allowing them to be scattered.
tombh
over 4 years ago
Aware of 'looking' for any symptoms that might signal the beginning of some panic. Relaxing, breathing. Noticing that I'm overly focused on being mindful and practising well, feeling the tension in that, and then experiencing a refreshing disenchantment with the entirety of samsara and just sur ...
danbartlett
over 4 years ago 1
Bit of a hangover. Felt like I was sitting in smelly dirt. Took plenty of time to really focus on the breath. Good amount of stillness nevertheless.
tombh
over 4 years ago 4
So for the past few weeks I have been experiencing panic attacks. I didn't know what they were at first - I just thought I was having a breakdown or dying. I thought there might be some link to meditation but I'm less and less sure of this now, and either way my focus has to be learning to deal ...
danbartlett
over 4 years ago 1 1