Afternoon sit. still pretty unfocused but still good to be there and bringing attention back again and again.
Morning sit and a mini sit. focus difficult
Evening practice. Lot coming up, stepping aside in a sleepy way to allow this although I'd have rather have been in bed. Strangely effective.
Lamrim Day Seventeen - Giving Relaxing sit during a time of stress.
Another morning sit. Outside watching my hens so they don’t get eaten by the fox. Funny sit because although I got up a few times to chase them away from my vegetable patch and this broke the sit a little, I fell back into some very deep place. My heart was pounding just from the sense of being ...
Morning practice. While I'd already softened in to the old stuff two other words came up that got a similar reaction. Promise. Secret. Eased into old memories, allowed alternative scenarios to play out which seemed to help change the lodged script and the meaning that those words held in my body ...
Morning sit. Focused in part. The sense of hopelessness has moved, there is just a heaviness some of the time remaining in my body. A sadness. In between things I keep touching a very fluid alive space in my heart.
Extra practice time. A single word "pretend" that came up on sitting got a subtle but deep reaction and was clearly tapping into another long forgotten story. I was able to sit with and release the thought based part of that during the zendo sitting but I knew that more and different s ...
Sitting with sangha
Lamrim Day Sixteen - Wishing Love Difficult sit, as my 12 year old let the dog outside, then ignored it barking for 20 minutes. And of course every time I was just about to get up and deal with it, the dog would quiet down. :)
Another sit. Very unfocus, down and falling asleep. Stopped 5 min early and went to bed.
Morning practice. Rawness still pervades. At one point the words of the heart sutra ran through my head verrrrrry slooooowly, stopping with words left hanging various times.
Morning sit. First ten minutes rather unfocused as my little boy had woken up and sat on my lap, asking questions like: ˋwhat is the big buddha holding? Are buddhas not allowed to be comfortable? Did buddhas live after the dinosaurs.... ´😂 But still felt part of the sit and also made me smile. T ...
Evening practice - included tonight a spell of standing meditation by an open window in high winds overlooking the city. Everything felt so close and immediate it was almost painful in its rawness. Tonight words appearing occasionally as if answers to some questions only the questions themselves ...